Recently, DOGE, the government efficiency department led by the billionaire Elon Musk, sent an email to millions of federal government employees: you must reply to the email before leaving work on Monday, listing the five contributions of last week’s work, otherwise you will be considered automatically resigned.
Everyone began to recall last week’s work. But before they could type, several major departments (Department of Defense, FBI, Department of State, Department of Justice, NASA) also sent emails, prohibiting them to reply the DOGE email. They claimed: “Our department is very sensitive and involves national security. If you reply email and leaks sensitive information, it is a violation of discipline and you will be fired.”
Then, even the Department of Agriculture jumped out to join in the fun: “Our farmers are also very sensitive, and we can’t reply!
The employees were panicking now. If they reply the DOGE email, they will be fired. If they don’t reply to the email, they would automatically resign. The jobs will be lost sooner or later!
The media ran to ask Trump. Trump thought for a long time and gave a genius answer. He announced, “No replying to the email is equivalent to Semi-Fire!”
Everyone panicked when they heard it — what does “semi-fired” mean? Should I get rid of the upper body or the lower body? Should the salary be cut by half or the task by half?
After an unlucky man came home, he was about to complain to his wife, but his wife suddenly said seriously:
“What did you contribute to our family last week? List five contributions for me before midnight. Otherwise, you know”
His head buzzed on the spot and thought to himself: The family also implements “efficiency management” and he is subject to the “performance improvement plan”?
He tried to be perfunctory: “Uh… I washed the dishes, took out the garbage, and made coffee…”
The wife sneered: “Made coffee? You only made your own.”
He was completely panicked: “Well… that’s still semi done, right?”
My wife nodded and said, “Okay, then let’s ‘semi-divorce’!”
This guy is dumbfounded: he has to resign half of his work and half divorce his family. Can he be a little more “half” in life?
The next day, he went to his Chinese friend to complain: “Brother, I seem to be going to lose my job…”
The friend asked, “Have you been fired or not?”
He sighed for a long time: “Uh… I was fired half of it…”
The friend patted him on the shoulder: “It’s okay. I’m half divorced, and I’m quite happy. No one needs to be attached to anyone else. You yield half-heartedly, be reluctant but acquiesce. In Chinese, it is called ‘half-push and half-obedient’. Go with the flow and things will work out. You know.”
In this way, one is in a half layoff, and the other is in a half divorce. Everyone lives as a “half-human and half-ghost” social animals…
It is rumored that Trump has replied to DOGE’s email:
